Outtakes for Long Journey
by starkat1978
Summary: Revised chapters 51 and 52 - Please see A Long Journey for a better summary. I will be taking this down in a week.


_**AN: Okay – so I am guessing some of you are wondering why I am reposting these two chapters. When I originally outlined this story, I honestly wasn't setting out to create some squeaky clean, perfect person with Bella. I wanted a character who was strong but had real flaws. The same with Edward – a guy who had the potential to be terrific but needed to grow up.**_

_**When I kept Bella celibate isn't because she was waiting to be virgin when she got married. Her lack of relationships was due to the fact she was busy with school and trying to build a business. She was also suffering from depression due to her dad's death and the episode she through in school. Having suffered from depression myself, I can attest that sex is the last thing on the mind. **_

_**After reading through the reviews and some the PMs I received regarding these chapters, I decided to revise the chapters a little. I reposting the original and then revised chapters after these. Please drop me a review or a PM to let me which you like better. **_

_Disclaimer: I don't anything Twilight related. Please be advised there is a lemon in this chapter._

_Version 1: The original_

**Chapter 51: A Time for War, a Time for Peace…**

Edward followed me silently into the elevator, holding my bags as well as his own. Ever the fucking gentleman, I thought to myself. Maybe I should try and slip some Nair into his shampoo and see if he went bald. The thought of Edward's hair on the floor filled me with a perverse thrill. Silently we walked into the hall and entered the room.

Once there, Edward turned to me. "I' m sorry for what I did. If I could turn back time and change the prick that I was I would. But I'll tell you something I've spent the last 8 years of my life trying to be a better person and that's because of you. I can't regret the what I did because I wouldn't have known you otherwise and Bella you inspired me in ways you can't even imagine," he said, once we were in the room.

I couldn't look at him I was too upset and for a moment I wondered why I wasn't over this as well, why I couldn't never find any numbness for him. For God's sake I had forgiven Emmett and Alice.

"I hated you for a long time. When I saw with Tanya and I realized you two slept with each other, that more even more then what you did to my room," I replied.

He started speak and I stopped him again. "Believe it or not Edward, I don't want to be angry with you. But you keep doing it. By not giving me space at first, expecting me to forgive you, that scene you made at the club when you were clearly on a date too. And that hurt too – I knew we were broken up and that it was my choice but it still hurt. Then I heard stories about you in college," I replied, picking at the comforter.

"I can't remember my freshman year," he said sitting across from me on the bed. "I was too drunk or high to care. I can't ever remember whom I was with. But that period ended. There was no one until Vicky. She as the 1st woman I had been with in 6 years. Once I got sober I decided to be a better for you but mostly for me. You taught me that."

I looked down, feeling sadness and hurt radiate through me. Edward continued. "You were never far from my mind and I almost hired a private investigator a few times to find you. I wrote you everyday, until I met Vicky and I decided to needed to move on."

I wasn't sure that I could believe that. That he had been as broken as me. Instead I looked at him. "Why did you believe Alec over me," I asked him, "That's want I don't get Edward. If you were so goddamn in love with me why did you believe Alec?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "To be honest, I couldn't figure out for the life of me why you would ever interested in me," he replied, "I still can't understand why."

"That's easy – when I finally got to know you I thought you were terrific," I replied remembering the Edward who had proclaimed his love to me in a Christmas program, "When that whole thing happened it was a lot easier to believe that monster who tormented was the real person. "

Edward nodded taking a deep breath. "That is my loss. I'm going to take a shower," he said, getting up.

Getting up, I raced to the bathroom, not thinking about what state of dress he was in. "Edward," I called out – he was just standing there in his shorts.

"What," he asked, a little embarrassed. For a moment I was briefly I annoyed. I had seen him naked for Christ's Sake.

"Why the bet," I asked, already knowing the answer.

"You already know that answer I was bored," Edwrd said, "Like you pointed out – I was bored kid with too much time and money. One of my biggest mistakes was not coming clean with you first. I had every intention of telling at first but I thought if I just paid off Alec that it would be dead and buried."

"Wait – you paid off Alec," I asked. I had assumed that the bet was had been ongoing.

"I paid him off when we were in Paris. I didn't want something I did in a moment in utter stupidity getting back to you," he explained, "but that didn't matter – Alec told me when I came back that night he came on to you. He said that he told you about the bet and that's why you were cheating on me. After Rose's tape came up that he admitted lying about it."

"Oh God," I replied, realizing that why Edward had believed Alec over me. He thought I was trying to get even. "That's why."

"He told me you were trying to get with me and that you were using Alice," he continued, "Alec and me – well we liked to drabble in coke. He had some stashed in our room. A few lines later it made a lot of sense and well you know the rest. I should have gone to you first."

"Why didn't you," I asked, hugging myself. Not that I could fault Edward on that account. I had spent the evening in my room hiding. Maybe if I had gone to him – who knows? The same history would have probably happened.

"There is no reason why Bella – it was my first instinct to see you first and get an explanation because it hurt like a bitch when I saw you kissing him," he hissed.

"I thought we were clear on the fact that he kissed me – not the other why around," I retorted, pissed he'd have the audacity to say that.

"Bella – I know that – but think of it from my point of view," Edward said, "I walked in to see my friend kiss my girl. Bottom line it hurt and yes I should have talked to you first. But you know didn't come to me either. Why didn't you? You had two feet and had to know what that looked like. You're hardly obtuse."

I shook my head and sat on the edge of the toilet seat. "I was scared. I knew was innocent but it looked bad. Really bad. Alice was so angry. Then everything else happened."

Edward bend down and picked up my hands. "I'm so sorry Bella – I was stupid and immature. You were the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. I knew how hard it was for you to trust me and I threw it away in a moment of stupid immaturity."

"Edward – you were 18, I was 17. We had no idea what the hell we were doing," I replied, unable to stop the tears running down my face. The love I had felt for Edward hit me in full force. I wasn't in love but I was remember what it been like to love Edward. That week we had been in Paris, flirting – trying to figure out if he was worth the anguish of a surely doomed relationship. That Thanksgiving dinner he had put together on the fly. Christmas vacation where we admitted our love to each other and when he had flown out to California to be with me. That afternoon in the beach. Memories I had been hiding for the last few years came back. I realized that this was what Angela and Lucy had been worried about, me drowning in the past.

Edward kissed my forehead. "I know – Bella - I know," he said and then took a deep breath and then I knew what he was going to do next, "I love you."

Since I already knew this confession, I shouldn't have been shocked, but I was. Hearing it drunk from him was one thing, hearing it sober, after that hideous fight and this latest dissection of our failed relationship. It was almost overwhelming.

"I know," I replied, "You told me the night you broke up with Vicky."

Edward's breathing hitched. "You knew all this time," he asked.

I nodded. "I didn't want you to be embarrassed," I whispered, "Take your shower, I'm going to lie down."

He nodded, standing up. Getting up myself, I realized I had one more question.

"Edward – tell me something – why the hell did you always call the States – the Colonies," I asked, wondering why this of all things popped in my mind all the sudden, "You're the only Brit I ever met who did that."

He laughed. "You never met my grandmother Platt. She always referred to America as that," Edward explained, "I knew it would annoy the fuck out of you and I always thought you were sexy when you were pissed."

I shook my head- that figured. "Enjoy your shower," I replied, biting my tongue to not say something biting about his snobby family. There had been enough harsh words tonight and I was suddenly very tired, the aderaline wearing off. Walking back into the room, I sank to the bed.

The storm had darken the outside and it was almost pitch black outside.

The shower stopped and the bathroom door opened. Out of habit I looked up as Edward walked in room. He was wearing nothing but a towel, using another one to pat his hair down. I just looked at him as he stood there, the of us at a standstill.

Edward held my gaze, the two of us just staring at each. It was a moment etched in time, both standing still and zooming forward. Finally Edward moved, he walked over to me and kneeled down, holding my gaze. He stroked my face with this finger. By instinct I leaned in, remembering how it had felt when we were teenagers.

He cupped my face and pulled me to him so we could rest our foreheads together. I knew that Edward was waiting for me to make the next move. Taking a deep breath, his scent invaded me for the first time in 8 years. My memory did no justice to him. For a brief and stupid minute I wondered when he stopped smoking as the tobacco scent he had as a boy was missing from the mint and sage scent he had now.

I tilted my head a little so I could look at his eyes again. They glowed as we were stared at each other again. I leaned forward again and this time so did Edward. Our lips grazed each other. Edward pulled me closer to kiss me deeper. We kissed for a moment, softly like two teens playing spin the bottle.

Edward finally broke it and we looked at each other confused as if this was a dream. "If you don't want this stop it," Edward said, leaning back in and this time, there was no mistaking what he wanted.

This kiss was much more powerful then anything we had shared in the past or anything I had with any other man. It was all consuming, our mouths clashed as we fought over who was dominant. Edward settled me in the bed, moving his mouth down the column of my neck.

"Ah," I moaned as his lips tickled there way down to my cleavage.

"Your skin is amazing," he hissed rested on his elbows and ripped my blouse opened, my lacy little blue bra on display. Edward liked his lips in apprehension. "You're beautiful Bella."

With that he started on the swell of my breasts. I moaned again as I pulled his head closer to me. Edward had always had a talented mouth and he had gotten better with time. A wave of cool air hit me as I realized Edward found the front clasp of my bra.

Taking his time, he suckled on breast then the other. He alternated between his hand and mouth to make sure nothing was neglected. I started to moaning again as I could feel the familiar tightening in my stomach.

Edward had been the only man to ever get me off this way. I couldn't even do it myself. When we first broke up I had tried to see if I could do it myself and prove that what Edward did wasn't some fluke. It had been 8 years since I had come this way and the pleasure was even more intense today then it had been back then.

"I'm close," I warned him.

"Good," he said and gave one more finally tug on my left nipple and that was it I was in flames. "That was one."

Feeling a little more dazed, I realized that Edward was making his way down my body. He got to the zipper on my dress slacks and pulled it down and then tugged my pants. The air in the room hit me again but not for long as Edward attacked my core.

Keeping my hips firmly in my hands, he preceded to lap me up. Up, down, circle my clit, his tongue kept moving against me. I watched with this fascination, this time his eyes were meeting mine, daring me to hold his gaze.

Finally he took my clit in his mouth and gave it one final suck pushing me over the edge again. This time I really saw stars, it was the most intense pleasure I had ever had. Dimly I was aware that Edward was coming up to me again. Somewhere on his journey around my body he had lost his towel and was naked as the day he was born. This was going so fast that I didn't have time to appreciate it.

"I want you," Edward said panting his erection poking into my thigh.

"Then have me," I said wrapping my arms around him, all rational thought gone from both of us. Edward adjusted himself so his cock was now aligned with my entrance.

"I didn't plan this – I didn't bring anything with me," Edward said, concerned we had started something we couldn't finish.

"I'm clean – I'm on the Pill," I told him.

"I got tested after Vicky – I'm clean too," he replied and then pushed into me.

I gasped at the intrusion and Edward stopped realizing what my gasp met.

"Don't stop," I told him, wanting this in the worse way, furious that this could end before I was ready.

"Are you sure," Edward asked, holding my twitching hips in place.

"Yes – just do it," I taunted, wanting this moment to end and the sex to continue.

He nodded and pushed in. Then he moaned. "Bella," he cried.

Those were the last words either of us said. Edward started to move. After I got used to Edward's size, the pain subsided and he started to feel really good. The silence was filled with moans from both of us.

"Bella, Bella," he panted between kisses. The tension started to build again between us and he reached down to rub my clit.

"Oh – ah," I squealed as I started to see stars again and Edward collapsed on me. We laid there in the darkness for a minute, catching our breaths.

Edward rolled off on me and pulled me to his chest. We just stayed there but what was there left to say after all of this?

**Chapter 52: Am I dreaming this?**

BPOV

"What are you thinking," Edward asked, finally breaking the silence.

"That we should have just gotten the queen room instead," I replied, realizing we probably wouldn't be using the other bed.

Edward snickered. "Making jokes," he asked, running a finger down my spine.

"You can either laugh or cry," I told him. His nervousness and vulnerability permeating the situation. I realized in that moment I had all the power, especially given the fact he had just finished relationship. It made me feel both drunk and uneasy.

When I had left him before, I really didn't care about Edward or his feelings. Now I did – somehow in the last few months I had grown to genuinely care about him. And now after this I remembered how much I had loved him. Then I realized that gave him an astonishing amount of power over me.

While I could decide the fate of this relationship, I knew now Edward had some sort of irrevocable hold over my heart.

EPOV

Looking down I confirmed what I had felt in when I had entered Bella. I took a deep breath in her hair, feeling the oddest déjà vu from high school when we had talked about sex. Oddly enough I had been pushing for us to wait, wanting to make sure she was ready and didn't regret it.

The only thing I was remotely glad about the demise of our relationship was that we hadn't slept together. Given how furious she was with me I didn't want her to feel that she wasted that as well. In nearly 10 years I couldn't figure out why Bella hadn't found someone to sweep her off her feet.

"Bella," I asked, tracing her spinal column.

"Yes," she said.

"Why didn't you tell me," I asked her.

I could feel her stiffen. "What are you talking about," she replied.

"You know what I'm talking about," I told her, "Why ?"

She turned and looked at me. "Because I wanted too," she said, "Don't question it any further. This was my choice – just like it was your choice."

"Why didn't you tell me – I could have hurt you," I asked.

"Don't flatter yourself. I was too caught up in the moment," she replied, lying her cheek back on my chest. Her breath started to even out and I realized she was asleep.

I was too hyped up to even consider sleeping even though I was drained. There were a lot of questions floating through my mind but I was scared of her taking off before we could talk in the morning. It was tempting to fall asleep but not as tempting as watching Bella. I wondered if I would get lucky and she would talk in her sleep. She was always very vocal when she spoke in her sleep. For a moment I thought back to Paris and the conservations I had overhead. It has been an education.

BPOV

I must have fallen asleep when I came to I was disorientated. This wasn't my apartment and the room was dark. I could hear the rain outside and realized I wasn't alone. My head was on something firm and comfortable. Then it hit me the storm, my fight with Edward and the aftermath. The sex. Oh God the sex!

I started to tense up, ready to bolt when I heard a chuckle. Looking up I saw Edward looking at me both sad and amused at once. "Feeling regret already," he asked wary.

Gently getting up this time, I felt shy which was ridiculous, Edward knew every part of me, even before this evening. What was the point of getting all Victorian and prudish now? He must have known of my discomfort so he pulled the duvet around me while he grabbed the sheet around himself. Seems like I wasn't the only shy one.

"No," I answered surprising us both, "I don't regret it."

He nodded but I don't think he believed me. I couldn't blame him given how vocal I had been in the past.

"Why haven't you been with someone, I mean I thought with Riley," Edward's voice trailed off.

I chuckled. "I'm not a saint Edward, I've had boyfriends since you," I informed him, "I had fun, even with Riley."

"Just not sex," he finished for me, "I beg to differ Bella – sex is a lot of fun."

I blushed because Edward was right sex was a lot of fun. "It just never seemed the right time," I told him, playing with a thread on the sheet.

Then looking up I tried to explain, "After we broke up, I shut down for a while. I was really depressed. My first serious boyfriend after you wasn't as _understanding _as you were."

Edward frowned, "I'm not sure I follow."

I laughed darkly. "He wanted sex, I wasn't ready. I walked on him with another girl and broke up with him on the spot. He followed me home and tried to rape me. Jazz was visiting that weekend but he broke it up before it could got any further. "

"Oh Bella," Edward said pulling me to him, "What's his name?"

"Why," I asked, confused for a minute.

"So I can kill him," he replied darkly.

"Don't be ridiculous," I told him, laughing a little, "Anyway I shut down again for while."

Edward shook his head. "You really are a walking danger magnet Bella," he replied.

"I'll say – I swore I'd never kiss you again and here I'm in flagrante delicto," I joked – trying to make light of the situation. The look on Edward's face told me I missed the mark.

"I'm so sorry," I told him, looking at him, "I didn't way – I swear."

He nodded and the asked "Are you going to run?"

"Excuse me," I asked confused.

"Are you going to disappear again," he tried to clarify for me.

"I'm a bridesmaid for your sister," I replied dryly.

"You know what I mean Bella," he said.

"If you're asking me am I going to blame you and shut you out of this the answer is no," I told him, Edward started to look relieved. I raised my hand and he started to feel defensive again, "If you're asking me – are we back to together or do I want to even date. Then no –I'm not ready for that and I don't think you are either."

Edward looked at me and snickered, "Okay I can why you're not ready but why not me? You know how I feel," he replied.

"You just broke up with someone," I reminded him, "Someone that you were you going to spend the rest of your life with."

"Yes and it was a colossal mistake," he replied, "I should have never been involved with her. "

"Edward – even if we didn't our history – I wouldn't start a relationship with you. It's too new and I don't want to be a rebound."

Edward chuckled darkly and ran a finger down my face. "Bella – you're not getting it. Vicky, those other girls– they were my rebounds. I have been using them to get over you for almost 10 years," he said and then dropped to whisper, "It's not working. You're the only one I've loved. Everything else in my life has been meaningless. "

Again what do you say to that? Edward always did have a way with words...

_Disclaimer: Version 2: The Redo_

**Chapter 51: A Time for War, a Time for Peace…**

Edward followed me silently into the elevator, holding my bags as well as his own. Ever the fucking gentleman, I thought to myself. Maybe I should try and slip some Nair into his shampoo and see if he went bald. The thought of Edward's hair on the floor filled me with a perverse thrill. Silently we walked into the hall and entered the room.

Once there, Edward turned to me. "I' m sorry for what I did. If I could turn back time and change the prick that I was I would. But I'll tell you something I've spent the last 8 years of my life trying to be a better person and that's because of you. I can't regret the what I did because I wouldn't have known you otherwise and Bella you inspired me in ways you can't even imagine," he said, once we were in the room.

I couldn't look at him I was too upset and for a moment I wondered why I wasn't over this as well, why I couldn't never find any numbness for him. For God's sake I had forgiven Emmett and Alice.

"I hated you for a long time. When I saw with Tanya and I realized you two slept with each other, that more even more then what you did to my room," I replied.

He started speak and I stopped him again. "Believe it or not Edward, I don't want to be angry with you. But you keep doing it. By not giving me space at first, expecting me to forgive you, that scene you made at the club when you were clearly on a date too. And that hurt too – I knew we were broken up and that it was my choice but it still hurt. Then I heard stories about you in college," I replied, picking at the comforter.

"I can't remember my freshman year," he said sitting across from me on the bed. "I was too drunk or high to care. I can't ever remember whom I was with. But that period ended. There was no one until Vicky. She as the 1st woman I had been with in 6 years. Once I got sober I decided to be a better for you but mostly for me. You taught me that."

I looked down, feeling sadness and hurt radiate through me. Edward continued. "You were never far from my mind and I almost hired a private investigator a few times to find you. I wrote you everyday, until I met Vicky and I decided to needed to move on."

I wasn't sure that I could believe that. That he had been as broken as me. Instead I looked at him. "Why did you believe Alec over me," I asked him, "That's want I don't get Edward. If you were so goddamn in love with me why did you believe Alec?"

Edward ran a hand through his hair. "To be honest, I couldn't figure out for the life of me why you would ever interested in me," he replied, "I still can't understand why."

"That's easy – when I finally got to know you I thought you were terrific," I replied remembering the Edward who had proclaimed his love to me in a Christmas program, "When that whole thing happened it was a lot easier to believe that monster who tormented was the real person. "

Edward nodded taking a deep breath. "That is my loss. I'm going to take a shower," he said, getting up.

Getting up, I raced to the bathroom, not thinking about what state of dress he was in. "Edward," I called out – he was just standing there in his shorts.

"What," he asked, a little embarrassed. For a moment I was briefly I annoyed. I had seen him naked for Christ's Sake.

"Why the bet," I asked, already knowing the answer.

"You already know that answer I was bored," Edwrd said, "Like you pointed out – I was bored kid with too much time and money. One of my biggest mistakes was not coming clean with you first. I had every intention of telling at first but I thought if I just paid off Alec that it would be dead and buried."

"Wait – you paid off Alec," I asked. I had assumed that the bet was had been ongoing.

"I paid him off when we were in Paris. I didn't want something I did in a moment in utter stupidity getting back to you," he explained, "but that didn't matter – Alec told me when I came back that night he came on to you. He said that he told you about the bet and that's why you were cheating on me. After Rose's tape came up that he admitted lying about it."

"Oh God," I replied, realizing that why Edward had believed Alec over me. He thought I was trying to get even. "That's why."

"He told me you were trying to get with me and that you were using Alice," he continued, "Alec and me – well we liked to drabble in coke. He had some stashed in our room. A few lines later it made a lot of sense and well you know the rest. I should have gone to you first."

"Why didn't you," I asked, hugging myself. Not that I could fault Edward on that account. I had spent the evening in my room hiding. Maybe if I had gone to him – who knows? The same history would have probably happened.

"There is no reason why Bella – it was my first instinct to see you first and get an explanation because it hurt like a bitch when I saw you kissing him," he hissed.

"I thought we were clear on the fact that he kissed me – not the other why around," I retorted, pissed he'd have the audacity to say that.

"Bella – I know that – but think of it from my point of view," Edward said, "I walked in to see my friend kiss my girl. Bottom line it hurt and yes I should have talked to you first. But you know didn't come to me either. Why didn't you? You had two feet and had to know what that looked like. You're hardly obtuse."

I shook my head and sat on the edge of the toilet seat. "I was scared. I knew was innocent but it looked bad. Really bad. Alice was so angry. Then everything else happened."

Edward bend down and picked up my hands. "I'm so sorry Bella – I was stupid and immature. You were the most amazing thing to ever happen to me. I knew how hard it was for you to trust me and I threw it away in a moment of stupid immaturity."

"Edward – you were 18, I was 17. We had no idea what the hell we were doing," I replied, unable to stop the tears running down my face. The love I had felt for Edward hit me in full force. I wasn't in love but I was remember what it been like to love Edward. That week we had been in Paris, flirting – trying to figure out if he was worth the anguish of a surely doomed relationship. That Thanksgiving dinner he had put together on the fly. Christmas vacation where we admitted our love to each other and when he had flown out to California to be with me. That afternoon in the beach. Memories I had been hiding for the last few years came back. I realized that this was what Angela and Lucy had been worried about, me drowning in the past.

Edward kissed my forehead. "I know – Bella - I know," he said and then took a deep breath and then I knew what he was going to do next, "I love you."

Since I already knew this confession, I shouldn't have been shocked, but I was. Hearing it drunk from him was one thing, hearing it sober, after that hideous fight and this latest dissection of our failed relationship. It was almost overwhelming.

"I know," I replied, "You told me the night you broke up with Vicky."

Edward's breathing hitched. "You knew all this time," he asked.

I nodded. "I didn't want you to be embarrassed," I whispered, "Take your shower, I'm going to lie down."

He nodded, standing up. Getting up myself, I realized I had one more question.

"Edward – tell me something – why the hell did you always call the States – the Colonies," I asked, wondering why this of all things popped in my mind all the sudden, "You're the only Brit I ever met who did that."

He laughed. "You never met my grandmother Platt. She always referred to America as that," Edward explained, "I knew it would annoy the fuck out of you and I always thought you were sexy when you were pissed."

I shook my head- that figured. "Enjoy your shower," I replied, biting my tongue to not say something biting about his snobby family. There had been enough harsh words tonight and I was suddenly very tired, the aderaline wearing off. Walking back into the room, I sank to the bed.

The storm had darken the outside and it was almost pitch black outside.

The shower stopped and the bathroom door opened. Out of habit I looked up as Edward walked in room. He was wearing nothing but a towel, using another one to pat his hair down. I just looked at him as he stood there, the of us at a standstill.

Edward held my gaze, the two of us just staring at each. It was a moment etched in time, both standing still and zooming forward. Finally Edward moved, he walked over to me and kneeled down, holding my gaze. He stroked my face with this finger. By instinct I leaned in, remembering how it had felt when we were teenagers.

He cupped my face and pulled me to him so we could rest our foreheads together. I knew that Edward was waiting for me to make the next move. Taking a deep breath, his scent invaded me for the first time in 8 years. My memory did no justice to him. For a brief and stupid minute I wondered when he stopped smoking as the tobacco scent he had as a boy was missing from the mint and sage scent he had now.

I tilted my head a little so I could look at his eyes again. They glowed as we were stared at each other again. I leaned forward again and this time so did Edward. Our lips grazed each other. Edward pulled me closer to kiss me deeper. We kissed for a moment, softly like two teens playing spin the bottle.

Edward finally broke it and we looked at each other confused as if this was a dream. "If you don't want this stop it," Edward said, leaning back in and this time, there was no mistaking what he wanted.

This kiss was much more powerful then anything we had shared in the past or anything I had with any other man. It was all consuming, our mouths clashed as we fought over who was dominant. Edward settled me in the bed, moving his mouth down the column of my neck.

"Ah," I moaned as his lips tickled there way down to my cleavage.

"Your skin is amazing," he hissed rested on his elbows and ripped my blouse opened, my lacy little blue bra on display. Edward liked his lips in apprehension. "You're beautiful Bella."

With that he started on the swell of my breasts. I moaned again as I pulled his head closer to me. Edward had always had a talented mouth and he had gotten better with time. A wave of cool air hit me as I realized Edward found the front clasp of my bra.

Taking his time, he suckled on breast then the other. He alternated between his hand and mouth to make sure nothing was neglected. I started to moaning again as I could feel the familiar tightening in my stomach.

Edward had been the only man to ever get me off this way. I couldn't even do it myself. When we first broke up I had tried to see if I could do it myself and prove that what Edward did wasn't some fluke. It had been 8 years since I had come this way and the pleasure was even more intense today then it had been back then.

"I'm close," I warned him.

"Good," he said and gave one more finally tug on my left nipple and that was it I was in flames. "That was one."

Feeling a little more dazed, I realized that Edward was making his way down my body. He got to the zipper on my dress slacks and pulled it down and then tugged my pants. The air in the room hit me again but not for long as Edward attacked my core.

Keeping my hips firmly in my hands, he preceded to lap me up. Up, down, circle my clit, his tongue kept moving against me. I watched with this fascination, this time his eyes were meeting mine, daring me to hold his gaze.

Finally he took my clit in his mouth and gave it one final suck pushing me over the edge again. This time I really saw stars, it was the most intense pleasure I had ever had. Dimly I was aware that Edward was coming up to me again. Somewhere on his journey around my body he had lost his towel and was naked as the day he was born. This was going so fast that I didn't have time to appreciate it.

"I want you," Edward said panting his erection poking into my thigh.

"Then have me," I said wrapping my arms around him, all rational thought gone from both of us. Edward adjusted himself so his cock was now aligned with my entrance.

"I didn't plan this – I didn't bring anything with me," Edward said, concerned we had started something we couldn't finish.

"I'm clean – I'm on the Pill," I told him.

"I got tested after Vicky – I'm clean too," he replied and then pushed into me.

I gasped at the intrusion and Edward stopped giving me a minute to adjust to his size.

"Don't stop," I told him, wanting this in the worse way, relishing the strenching. It was marvelous, he was hitting all my hell yes spots.

"Are you sure, it feels tight," Edward asked, holding my twitching hips in place.

"Yes – just do it," I taunted, wanting this moment to end and the sex to continue.

Edward nodded and continued to move in me. Then he moaned. "Bella," he cried, picking up his pace one he realized I was enjoying this.

Those were the last words either of us said. The room was filled with moans from both of us. After I got used to Edward's size, I started to move back, grinding myself on his cock, wishing I was on top. Deciding to make a wish come true, I rolled us over. Edward grinned as I took charge, riding him. He gripped my hips as we moved.

"Bella, Bella," he panted, as he guided me. The tension started to build again between us and he reached down to rub my clit.

"Oh – ah," I squealed as I started to see stars again and Edward turned us. With last thrust he came inside. We laid there in the darkness for a minute, catching our breaths.

Edward rolled off on me and pulled me to his chest. We just stayed there but what was there left to say after all of this?

**Chapter 52: Am I dreaming this?**

BPOV

"What are you thinking," Edward asked, finally breaking the silence.

"That we should have just gotten the queen room instead," I replied, realizing we probably wouldn't be using the other bed.

Edward snickered. "Making jokes," he asked, running a finger down my spine.

"You can either laugh or cry," I told him. His nervousness and vulnerability permeating the situation. I realized in that moment I had all the power, especially given the fact he had just finished relationship. It made me feel both drunk and uneasy.

When I had left him before, I really didn't care about Edward or his feelings. Now I did – somehow in the last few months I had grown to genuinely care about him. And now after this I remembered how much I had loved him. Then I realized that gave him an astonishing amount of power over me.

While I could decide the fate of this relationship, I knew now Edward had some sort of irrevocable hold over my heart.

EPOV

As I caught my bearings, I looked at Bella who looked vulnerable herself. I took a deep breath in her hair, feeling the oddest déjà vu from high school when we had talked about sex. Oddly enough I had been pushing for us to wait, wanting to make sure she was ready and didn't regret it.

The only thing I was remotely glad about the demise of our relationship was that we hadn't slept together. Given how furious she was with me I didn't want her to feel that she wasted that as well. Now I felt jealous that she had obvious found someone that who had swept her off her feet. It was ridiculous to assume she would have waited for me but I still felt a sense of loss for what could have been.

"Bella," I asked, tracing her spinal column.

"Yes," she said.

"Why," I asked her.

I could feel her stiffen. "What are you talking about," she replied.

"You know what I'm talking about," I told her, "Why ?"

She turned and looked at me. "Because I wanted too," she said, "Don't question it any further. This was my choice – just like it was your choice."

"Has it a while," I asked, knowing the answer. She had been tight but I knew she wasn't a virgin.

"I was caught up in the moment," she replied, lying her cheek back on my chest. Her breath started to even out and I realized she was asleep.

I was too hyped up to even consider sleeping even though I was drained. There were a lot of questions floating through my mind but I was scared of her taking off before we could talk in the morning. It was tempting to fall asleep but not as tempting as watching Bella. I wondered if I would get lucky and she would talk in her sleep. She was always very vocal when she spoke in her sleep. For a moment I thought back to Paris and the conservations I had overhead. It has been an education.

BPOV

I must have fallen asleep when I came to I was disorientated. This wasn't my apartment and the room was dark. I could hear the rain outside and realized I wasn't alone. My head was on something firm and comfortable. Then it hit me the storm, my fight with Edward and the aftermath. The sex. Oh God the sex!

I started to tense up, ready to bolt when I heard a chuckle. Looking up I saw Edward looking at me both sad and amused at once. "Feeling regret already," he asked wary.

Gently getting up this time, I felt shy which was ridiculous, Edward knew every part of me, even before this evening. What was the point of getting all Victorian and prudish now? He must have known of my discomfort so he pulled the duvet around me while he grabbed the sheet around himself. Seems like I wasn't the only shy one.

"No," I answered surprising us both, "I don't regret it."

He nodded but I don't think he believed me. I couldn't blame him given how vocal I had been in the past.

"You haven't mentioned other boyfriends…," Edward's voice trailed off.

I chuckled. "I'm not a saint Edward, I've had boyfriends since you," I informed him, "I had fun, even with Riley."

Edward smiled, "I beg to differ Bella – sex is a lot of fun."

I blushed because Edward was right sex was a lot of fun. "To be honest sex isn't something I think about a lot. If I feel like it's my choice then great. But I stopped waiting for the storybook line," I tried to explain, playing with a thread on the sheet.

Then looking up I continued, "After we broke up, I shut down for a while. I was really depressed. My first serious boyfriend after you wasn't as _understanding _as you were."

Edward frowned, "I'm not sure I follow."

I laughed darkly. "He wanted sex, I wasn't ready. I walked on him with another girl and broke up with him on the spot. He followed me home and tried to rape me. Jazz was visiting that weekend but he broke it up before it could got any further."

"Oh Bella," Edward said pulling me to him, "What's his name?"

"Why," I asked, confused for a minute.

"So I can kill him," he replied darkly.

"Don't be ridiculous," I told him, laughing a little, "Anyway I shut down again for while. But eventually I decided that it wasn't the storybook I was waiting for, it was for it to be my choice."

For a moment, my mind went back to Tim, a graphic artist I had worked with during my final year in grad school. He had been my first. However he was offered a job in New York and I went back to California. We had parted on good terms. There had been another, Steve, between Tim and Edward. He and I had tried a friends with benefits thing but our relationship had lacked the chemistry. We called it quits after 2 months and I realized I wasn't the causal type. Riley and I hadn't even made it that far. But again those had been my choices and I owned them.

Edward shook his head, trying to digest this side of me. "You really are full of surprises Bella," he replied, moving my hair to the side.

"I'll say – I swore I'd never kiss you again and here I'm in flagrante delicto," I joked – trying to make light of the situation. The look on Edward's face told me I missed the mark.

"I'm so sorry," I told him, looking at him, "I didn't way – I swear."

He nodded and the asked "Are you going to run?"

"Excuse me," I asked confused.

"Are you going to disappear again," he tried to clarify for me.

"I'm a bridesmaid for your sister," I replied dryly.

"You know what I mean Bella," he said.

"If you're asking me am I going to blame you and shut you out of this the answer is no," I told him, Edward started to look relieved. I raised my hand and he started to feel defensive again, "If you're asking me – are we back to together or do I want to even date. Then no –I'm not ready for that and I don't think you are either."

Edward looked at me and snickered, "Okay I can why you're not ready but why not me? You know how I feel," he replied.

"You just broke up with someone," I reminded him, "Someone that you were you going to spend the rest of your life with."

"Yes and it was a colossal mistake," he replied, "I should have never been involved with her. "

"Edward – even if we didn't our history – I wouldn't start a relationship with you. It's too new and I don't want to be a rebound."

Edward chuckled darkly and ran a finger down my face. "Bella – you're not getting it. Vicky, those other girls– they were my rebounds. I have been using them to get over you for almost 10 years," he said and then dropped to whisper, "It's not working. You're the only one I've loved. Everything else in my life has been meaningless. "

Again what do you say to that? Edward always did have a way with words...

_**AN: Again thanks for reading!**_


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